Up the Ante
I’m not much of a poker player, but I know that ‘upping the ante’ means adding to the pot, so that the win or loss is greater. This appears to be the way I have approached my creative efforts in life. I listed as many of the creative projects I could think of that I’ve attempted and completed in my lifetime. Of the fourteen or so, only a
couple would have had much impact on my ego had I failed.
I might have wanted to wear a scarf on my head for a while if my hennaed hair had turned out green. Failing to earn my degree after waiting 50 years to try for it would have crushed me. Having stories and articles rejected by an editor can be devastating to a writer.
I didn’t really realize how many creative projects I had attempted, and mostly succeeded in accomplishing, during my life until I started making the list. And I probably missed some, or didn’t count some that I thought didn’t count as being ‘creative’. Among those I can remember:
Leader, Sprint Quality group, United for Optimal Service charter member of a Toastmasters Club company Speakers Bureau member short-lived church newsletter editor designed screened-in back porch (Dave the builder improved on it)
The other creative projects I did earlier in my life were things I wanted to do for me. The paper bead necklaces I created turned out prettier than I expected and this pleased me. The half-dozen or so blown egg Christmas ornaments were lovely, to me. These were small projects, because I had little time in those days since I was taking
care of my small daughter, my unwell mother-in-law, and her big house. But being able to complete two creative projects was encouraging. I also taught myself to sew at this time and made a beautiful red satin dress, which I’ve never worn.
These successes gave me courage to try bigger things when I had more time and more motivation to do so, after we bought our first house. I took ceramic classes with my sister-in-law and made several pieces that delight me, especially my red temple jar and speckled bean pot with painted flower trim.
Later I became interested in alternative energy and built a passive solar window heating unit when we bought a bigger house. It worked, but I really was not too pleased with its appearance outside or inside where it stuck through the window. I sewed curtains, planted flower beds, refinished a chest of drawers, wallpapered the bathroom and built a shelf unit for it, laid carpet on our front and back porches and put together a back porch water fountain.
Again, these were projects I chose to attempt, and not a lot was riding on the outcomes of the individual projects. But, cumulatively, I now know, they were building up my courage to attempt something I’d wanted to do since childhood - write.
I wrote some small things, entered contests, and lost. When I look at some of the things I wrote then, I chuckle. No wonder I lost contests and no one would publish my stuff. But I was learning. I subscribed to Writers Digest and bought some of their books. I got discouraged.
Then I began a program to earn my college degree, a dream almost as old as my writing dream. I put the writing aside for a couple of years and earned the degree. Retired. And began writing again. Perseverance paid off and the next year, a story was accepted for publication in a small circulation magazine. My first acceptance. Another small win of a pot in the poker game of life, concrete, external validation as a writer.
©2004 Sylvia Nickels
